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Rules according to a Girl Boss

These are “rules” that I came up with to help me start living better. Feel free to add any rules you like to live by.

A girl boss starts her day with prayer. I realize that not everyone is a part of the Christian faith or practices any kind of religion at all, but being as though I am a believer, I could not leave this off my list. Proverbs 16:9 (NLT) tells us that we can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps. Sometimes our plans align with the Lord’s will and sometimes they don’t. That’s why it’s important to consult with God before we start our day. One of my prayers has been for God to teach me how to discern his voice and from there, how to obey. I spent entirely too much time doing my own thing and it cost me a lot. I don’t ever want to be out of alignment again.

A girl boss wakes up early. We’ve all heard the expression “the early bird gets the worm”, and while it’s easy to slip into laziness during this time of quarantine and social distancing (believe me, I’ve been there), girl bosses cannot afford to sleep the day away. I read in a recent Forbes article, that successful people start their day by waking up early. “Early” might mean something different to you than it does to me. When I was going into the office, I had to wake up between 4:30 and 5:00 in order to get my son and myself ready, drop him off at daycare, and be at work by 7:00. Now that I don’t have anywhere to go, I don’t wake up until 7:00. I’d like to challenge myself to start waking up earlier by at least 30 minutes. It’s nothing more than setting my alarm for 6:30 instead of 7:00, but when you have a toddler in your bed constantly kicking you throughout the night, waking up at the crack of dawn can be difficult. (Side note: We don’t regularly co-sleep, but every once in a while he’ll ask to sleep in mommy’s bed and even though I’d rather have my bed to myself, occasionally I give in).

A girl boss is never late. This one goes hand in hand with the previous rule and it’s pretty simple. We don’t want people to waste our time, so we should not waste other people’s time. If you’re a mother like me, especially a single mother, you already know that mornings with our little ones are unpredictable. We’re already tired because they wanted apple juice or their foam letters or to watch CocoMelon at 3:27 in the morning, but then when it’s time to get up, they have the nerve to act like we’re disturbing their slumber. Anybody else experience this? So yes, sometimes being late is inevitable, but let’s not make it a habit. Let’s strive to not only be on time, but be early.

A girl boss always dresses to impress. Ladies, don’t come for me. Just hear me out. When you attend an important business meeting, you expect professionalism from the person you’re meeting with, right? And likewise, they expect that from you. I am someone who believes in dressing for the occasion and even overdressing, because I want to leave a great impression. I want people to see a young, Black woman who is about her business. Does this mean that I am living to please people? Absolutely not. But business is business, and if you don’t look like someone who someone can do business with, guess what? They are not going to do business with you! I want people to want to do business with me. So if it means putting on a nice dress or a pretty blouse and skirt with some heels, I’ll have it out and ironed the night before. Besides, with my heels on, I’m usually eye to eye if not taller than some of the men I come in contact with. I refuse to give them the opportunity to look down on me.

A girl boss knows when to speak up and when to keep quiet. This is one I had to learn the hard way. I wasn’t quiet, but I used to be very timid when I was younger, so I would never stand up for myself when it was necessary. As I got older, I got bolder, sometimes a little too bold, and my mouth often got me into trouble. As a full grown adult, I wouldn’t say I’ve mastered it, but I’ve learned how to balance it for the most part. Ecclesiastes 3:7 tells us that there is a time to be quiet and a time to speak. This is why it’s important to start your day with God. We not only need him to guide our steps, but our tongues. Psalm 141:3 (NLT) says “Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips”. We need to be mindful of what we say, how we say it, and even when to say it.

A girl boss doesn’t stress over small things or things she cannot control. Whew chile! This is a big one for me. I cannot tell you how many times my face has broken out because I wouldn’t stop stressing over stupid things and stupid people. I know, there are far worse consequences of stress than acne. But all those dark marks all over the place, who wants that? It’s bad enough that I was still breaking out at the age of 30, but I tend to break out in the ugliest places and sometimes they’re the painful ones. And I do not like cake face so covering them up with a whole bunch of heavy makeup was not an option. It’s so much healthier just to stop stressing. It’s not always easy, but it is doable.

A girl boss is confident. I have several girl boss rules, but I wanted to close with this one because I believe it is the most universal. Coming from someone who used to walk around with her head down, I can tell you that confidence is a game changer. Have you ever been involved in a situation that took you back to a place when you had low self-esteem? I certainly have. When my wedding was called off, I immediately started to doubt everything I knew about myself. I had to put on a brave face but internally, I felt weak and unloved. I had no desire to do anything constructive or even just the typical things I would normally do. With prayer and time, I got to the point where enough was enough. I was tired of crying, tired of being sad, tired of being tired. I can still recall that Saturday afternoon, a few months after what was supposed to be my wedding weekend, when I randomly felt like beating my face. I didn’t have any plans to go anywhere but I wanted to see if I still had my makeup skills. I used to be a makeup artist by the way! I took out my products and brushes and gave myself a nice little beat. Like I said, I don’t do cake face so my face was not packed with makeup. It was natural and simple, but pretty. When I finished, I looked at myself in the mirror and exclaimed with a big smile on my face “she’s back!” The makeup didn’t give me confidence, but I was slowly started to feel like myself again. It was almost involuntary. I felt the spirit of God saying to me “Okay, daughter, you’ve been in this place long enough. Let’s get you out of here. I have something and someone better for you”. It was only by his grace. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Jesus tells us that his grace is sufficient and that his power is made perfect in weakness. He took my moment of weakness and showed me just what he is capable of. Have I achieved everything I have set out to achieve? Not yet. But by his grace, I am CONFIDENT that I will fulfill the purpose that the Lord has placed within me.