Unhappy with the body God gave me?
The Word tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and I don’t dispute that because God crafted us after His own likeness. But what if I don’t like the way He made me? Ladies, if you could physically change anything about yourself, what would it be? I’ve always been thin and I used to get teased for it all the time. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve filled out some, but not like I thought I would, especially after having a baby. I just knew that my baby boy was going to give me the boobs, hips and booty I always wanted. I considered getting a breast augmentation, but I never thought the benefits outweighed the risks involved.
While many people seek effective methods to help them lose weight, I sought effective methods to make me gain weight. I purchased several weight gaining supplements, not all at once, over time. Some would work, but it was expensive to maintain so I tried something else. Others tasted so horrible that I didn’t even give them a chance to work. Either way, I couldn’t come up with a solid weight gain regimen, but I was tired of feeling like I had the body of a 12 year-old.
When I first had my son, the baby weight stayed on for months and to be honest, I was in no rush to get rid of it. For reference, I’m 5’7 and a half or let’s just say 5’8. At that time I weighed 160 pounds and was a solid size 8. I liked my new size. I still had some leftover baby belly but overall, I liked the extra weight. In January 2019, I went shopping for my wedding gown. I found my gown in a size 8 and it was a little snug, but all I needed to do was lose my stomach. Before I could even begin to work on flattening my stomach, I came down with that pesky 24-hour bug that we all love so much. By the time it passed, I had not only lost my stomach, I lost ten pounds. I was actually back to my pre-pregnancy weight and this might sound silly, but I was mad! Not only had I lost my new figure, but I had donated all my old clothes and bought all new clothes which I couldn’t fit anymore. On top of that, my wedding gown didn’t fit anymore which meant I would have to have it altered. To make matters worse, sometime in March, I came down with a mild version of the flu, which caused me to lose even more weight. Then in May, I got some work done to my teeth which resulted in some serious tooth sensitivity. Those of you who suffer with this know how difficult it is to eat. Since I could barely chew, I couldn’t really eat. I lost even more weight. This story keeps getting better and better. The icing on the cake was when my wedding was called off. I would nibble on something here and there, but I had severely lost my appetite. I was down to 135 and I hated it.
Something had to be done. Loading on carbs wasn’t working. Eating a whole bunch of sweets and fatty food was just plain unhealthy. Taking weight gaining supplements was too expensive. I was out of options, or so I thought. One evening when I had some free time, I came across a YouTube video where a young lady discussed her weight gain journey. Her journey was so simple but I never thought of it myself. She ate. Let me explain. Like me, she had a child but lost all her baby weight. She also experienced a traumatic loss (read my first blog) which stole her appetite. One day, she decided that she was tired of being bound by grief so she gave it an expiration date and claimed her appetite back. I’m not sure what her spiritual life is like so I don’t know if she prayed during that process, but I had to take a page out of her book and give my grief an expiration date. Yes, there is no set time on how long someone can grieve a loss, but when it starts to consume you to the point that you can’t function, then you have a problem. I immediately took it to the throne. I didn’t pray for God to make me gain weight. I told Him that I didn’t want to be bound by my grief anymore. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to eat! When I tell you that the power of prayer is unmatched. I immediately developed a craving for some ice cream so I took my happy tail downstairs, grabbed a pint and devoured it.
Since then, I haven’t seen a decrease in my appetite and I have been putting my weight back on. I’m not quite back to my pre-pregnancy weight yet, but I’m getting there. So I said all this to say what? Does this mean that I don’t love myself? Does this mean that I think God made a mistake? The answer to both of those questions is no, but I can admit that I was unhappy with the way God made me and I know that I’m not alone. Have you ever been unhappy with the way God made you? What did you do about it? Did you learn to accept it? Did you try to change it? Share your thoughts with me.